Philophobia - Fear of Love by G.Bertelli

Generality

Philophobia (or philophobia) is the fear of falling in love or loving a person.

People who suffer from it experience a feeling of great discomfort, anxiety or nervousness with respect to situations (real or imaginary) that involve a certain emotional involvement ; in this case, the phobic stimulus is represented by affective or sentimental relationships .

Philophobia does not simply produce restlessness in the relationship of couple or anxiety to the prospect of feeling affection for someone (family, friends, etc.), but it can also cause a series of physical symptoms. In the most extreme cases, in fact, philophobia can cause full-blown panic attacks, with sweating, rapid heart beat, shortness of breath and nausea.

Over time, the causes that determine the fear of loving can increase the isolation of the philophobic person and alienation towards family, friends, work colleagues and neighbors.

Like other phobic disorders, the exact triggers of philophobia are not always easily identifiable. In some cases, the philophobic person dwells on memories of romantic and / or family relationships that, in the past, have proved to be unsuccessful. At other times, philofobia can induce an intense fear of rejection, therefore the subject who suffers from it avoids relationships in order not to experience the embarrassment of not being accepted by a potential lover . Still, the philophobic may have experienced a "harsh" divorce and is convinced that falling in love again will only lead to another painful separation or breakup .

Regardless of these possible experiences, no connection between these episodes and the onset of the condition has been established with certainty. However, it is known that some people are able to recover from "negative" relationships; those who suffer from philophobia, on the other hand, find themselves trapped in a psychological situation that, in the end, keeps them separate or isolated from others.

Philophobia can be addressed with the most appropriate treatment for one's case. The most effective interventions include antidepressant drugs and psychotherapy pathways aimed at overcoming the phobia.

To remember

The term " philofobia " comes from the union of two Greek words - " philo " (love) and " phobia " (fear) - therefore it literally means " fear of love ". People who suffer from this phobic disorder fear romantic love or the formation of emotional ties of any kind.

What's this

Philophobia is defined as the abnormal, unjustified and persistent fear of falling in love . This phobic disorder with regard to love or emotional attachment is not simply a condition characterized by discomfort or anxiety in the presence of a potential partner, but can also increase isolation from family members, friends, work colleagues and neighbors. Philophobia can also cause physical symptoms, which can be triggered by specific situations.

Causes

Every human relationship requires a certain amount of emotional involvement, but people suffering from philophobia are unable to establish this connection. The fear of love can begin by avoiding close contact with members of the opposite sex, and then becoming insensitive to emotional relationships, so as to avoid all people.

As with other phobic disorders, the exact causes of philofobia have not yet been identified. However, there are some factors that can promote the fear of love.

Philophobia can be a simple phobic disorder or it can be part of a broader psychological picture (ie it manifests itself in people who suffer from other phobias and / or anxiety disorders).

Prejudiced negative experiences

The phobic reaction underlying philofobia is closely related to the strongly negative and "traumatic" experiences experienced in the past. A disappointment or a love affair that has ended badly can lead to a high level of suffering : as a defense mechanism, the philophobic can react by locking himself up in his own world, instead of trying to face and overcome what has happened.

These "traumas" related to love can be suffered by oneself or loved ones (eg parents, siblings, friends, etc.). For example, the philophobic can experience divorce, as a failure of the relationship with his / her partner and is convinced that falling in love again will only lead to another painful separation or breakup. Philophobia can also be the result of an experience experienced during childhood (eg domestic violence, abandonment or separation of parents).

Other people can develop philophobia when they experience tumultuous relationships ; this can lead to a difficulty in establishing any kind of love bond.

Cultural prejudices

Philophobia can have cultural or religious roots . In this case, there are prejudices, beliefs and beliefs that inhibit or even prohibit romantic love relationships : just think of the ethnic groups in which marriages are organized by families.

Certain love relationships are forbidden (as in the case of homosexuality) or seen as "sin" and, if the rules dictated by preconceptions are violated, are brutally punished. This can cause frustration and guilt in those who fall in love. The resulting phobia can therefore affect the relationship with other subjects.

Depression and anxiety disorders

Philophobia can depend on an intense fear of rejection, therefore the subject who suffers from it avoids relationships so as not to experience the embarrassment of not being accepted by a potential lover. The negative thoughts and insecurity that come with it lead to intense anxiety.

Furthermore, this sort of protection mechanism discourages attempts to address philophobia and, at the same time, inhibits the desire to overcome this problem. This leads the subject to implement avoidance strategies, that is, he identifies alternatives that allow him to circumvent the need or desire to undertake romantic relationships.

Those who suffer from depression are particularly vulnerable from an emotional point of view, therefore they are predisposed to develop these defense mechanisms, isolating themselves or avoiding any bond of love. Philophobia can also occur in people with obsessive-compulsive disorders, which, in particular, are not willing to "lose control" and show their weaknesses.

Symptoms and Complications

In philophobia, the prospect of being loved - of expressing love for another, therefore of being emotionally vulnerable - evokes feelings of unease, anxiety and nervousness, which can lead to real panic attacks.

Fear can be directed to emotional involvement in a relationship, to intimacy (vulnerability to physical contact) or to loss of control of one's emotions .

The psychological symptoms that occur most commonly in philofobia are:

• Marked, persistent and excessive fear of the feared situation;
• Anxiety and nervousness at the thought of falling in love or being involved in a relationship;
• Agitation in relating to a potential partner / lover;
• Sensation of immediate anxiety at exposure of the phobic stimulus;
• Isolation from the outside world.

These symptoms can appear before a scheduled meeting (eg appointment, romantic dinner etc.), while in other cases they occur when the subject is already experiencing the situation and there is no change in the context that positively influences philophobia, mitigating it.

People who suffer from the fear of love and / or intimacy can experience conflicting emotions : when he thinks of the prospects of giving and receiving love, the philophobic can experience a momentary euphoria, but, at the crucial moment, he becomes overwhelmed by the disorder, despite recognizing that the reaction is excessive and unreasonable .

Faced with the threatening situation, philophobia can induce the subject to resort to avoidance strategies with respect to situations or places where couples are usually found (such as parks, cinemas that broadcast romantic films or marriages of others).

When the subject is confronted with anything associated with love and romanticism, philophobia can also induce a series of physiological-somatic signs, including:

• Increased heart rate;
• Breathless breathing;
• Sense of fainting or dizziness;
• Nausea;
• Feeling "empty head" or living in an unreal situation;
• Dry mouth;
• Excessive sweating (especially on the hands);
• Tremors;
• Cry;
• Numbness.

These physical symptoms signal the occurrence of an abnormal response to the emotional level: the body is responding to the phobic stimulus with an extreme expression of the physiological reaction of "fight or flight" . In other words, the mind is working out the thought that falling in love poses a threat to a potential danger, so it automatically prepares the body to fight for survival . This excessive emotional response is one of the clearest signs that a person is in the grip of a phobia, in this case the fear of love.

Possible consequences

Philophobia can be a highly debilitating disorder, as it can affect multiple activities and contexts. Some people are so afraid of falling in love that they can't build a relationship of trust with anyone; their relationships are usually very superficial.

Those who experience philophobia tend to live their lives in solitude and may experience profound anxiety . Another possible consequence of this phobia is sentimental anorexia, understood as the lack of desire, including sexual desire .

It should be pointed out that some philophobic people manage to manage this disorder correctly, without professional help; if they establish a dependency relationship, their relationships may not be altered by philophobia (in practice, their well-being depends on the answers they receive from the person they love).

Diagnosis

Philophobia can be tackled with the help of psychologists and psychotherapists.

Preliminary evaluation is essential to understand the reasons behind one's own discomfort and to frame the problem within the subject's life history, identifying its meaning and quantifying its scope. This also makes it possible to establish which therapies are most appropriate and in which combinations.

Therapy and Remedies

The search for love is an essential part of human life. However, people who develop persistent and unjustified philophobia often need support to be able to engage in normal relationships.

Depending on the severity of the clinical picture, philophobia can be tackled effectively with the combination of various therapeutic approaches (psychotherapy, drugs, systemic desensitization, hypnosis, etc.).

These interventions aim to induce the patient to rationalize his phobia, trying to focus on the possibility of reacting to anxious thoughts and facing negative beliefs associated with the idea of ​​falling in love.

In this case, it is good to proceed by gradual steps, in view of overcoming the fears associated with philofobia, making it possible for normal romantic relationships to be established.

drugs

In some cases of philofobia, antidepressants such as selective serotonin reuptake inhibitors (SSRIs) and monoamine oxidase inhibitors (MAOIs) may be useful for reducing severe physical and emotional symptoms .

Cognitive-behavioral therapy

Philophobia can be successfully tackled by undertaking a course of cognitive-behavioral therapy . This approach teaches the subject how to manage the negative and limiting thoughts associated with the act of loving, through the presentation of phobic stimuli under controlled conditions. In this way, the patient suffering from philophobia is exposed to the feared situations with the possibility of learning emotional self-control techniques capable of reducing anxiety and the fear of giving in to one's involvement in the relationship.

Unlike other therapies aimed at overcoming phobias, cognitive-behavioral therapy applied to philophobia can be conducted in a group context.

Systematic Desensitization Therapy

Systemic desensitization involves the exposure of patients to phobic stimuli, that is to the object or situation capable of triggering philophobia. In practice, one tackles all the negative beliefs associated with the idea of ​​falling in love or loving one at a time.

In the case of philophobia, patients could practice their relational skills in various scenarios, such as appointments or meetings with potential partners; the feared contexts can be real or created virtually (computer simulations).

The combination of cognitive-behavioral therapy with progressive desensitization is often more effective than the use of single methods.

Hypnotherapy

Hypnosis can help remove the negative associations that can trigger panic attacks in philophobia, as well as help control smoking and other addictive behaviors.

Neuro-Linguistic Programming (NLP)

Neuro-linguistic programming is a controversial approach to philophobia, which involves educating people in self- awareness and communication to change their emotional behaviors. This alternative therapy is based on the hypothetical connection existing between neurological processes ("neuro"), language ("linguistic") and behavioral models that have been learned through experience ("programming"). In practice, treatment can help people learn new behaviors to stop or replace those thoughts and actions that cause them a sense of anguish when talking about themselves.

In therapy to overcome phobias, NLP has been used in combination with hypnosis, but, at the moment, it is not included in conventional treatment for philophobia (mainly due to the lack of a formal accreditation process to support the method). Furthermore, it should be noted that anyone suffering the anguish of this psychological condition knows that talking about it is not enough to face their fears. At present, for the overcoming of philophobia, a psychotherapy path is more useful, set up and supported by a professional figure that corrects the patient's dysfunctional behaviors with specific and targeted interventions.

Philophobia: could it depend on evolution?

An alternative theory that tries to explain the causes of the fear of love is that of evolutionary psychology . This school of thought holds that human traits such as perception, memory or language derive from natural or sexual selection . This theory is known as " adaptation ", a process that is common in biology but has only recently begun to be applied to psychology.

In fact, most phobic disorders share a family or genetic tendency : some people seem to be more likely than others to develop pathological fears, such as philophobia.

Even evolutionary psychologists believe that some phobias may derive from adaptation.

One of the cases often exemplified in the texts dealing with the subject of philofobia is that of Elizabeth I. The resistance to the marriage of the Queen of England could be due to the execution of her mother, Anna Bolena, guilty of having fallen in love with her cousin. The fact that her father, Henry VIII, was responsible for the death sentence may have led her to believe that all romantic relationships have a tragic ending.

Evolutionary psychology claims that the process of natural selection has influenced the human brain to develop behaviors called " psychological adaptations " or thought processes called " cognitive modules ". In a sense, therefore, philophobia could be considered a "positive" manifestation for the continuation of the human species.